From now on the goal is to become more emotionally and physically close. This process can be great fun and very interesting as you each explore and learn about the other.
Most men are primarily interested in getting closer physically. Really close and naked! Women are primarily interested in first establishing a good solid relationship. That usually means a solid commitment that the guy is going to stick around after he gets what he wants. This is valuable DNA programming in today's women from millions of female ancestors. Those ancient women who made bad choices in a man usually died early and produced no offspring. Those ancient women who made the better choice of a guy to help protect and raise many offspring passed on those wise genes to today's women.
So a high priority in women today is to go slow and concentrate on building a relationship with trust and confidence that the guy will stick around after the fun.
For the guy, it is a real challenge to find the best time and place to make that first kiss happen successfully. Lots can go wrong, from missing the target to being refused. (Gads, that hurts!) However, if she is open to you coming completely into her personal space and wants to see that you desire her, then take the risk and kiss her.
Your timing is going to depend on how you read her mood. To her, there are many important variables that must be just right before getting seriously involved kissing. For most women; the place, lighting, music, and other things are important for making the first kiss memorable. But if all is right, your kiss will make her feel fantastic, and she will be after you like a bee after flower nectar!
Both of you will have a surge of hormones blasting out of your brain to all parts of your body so that your heart, breathing, pulse, and perspiration will greatly increase. She will even smell, taste, feel, and look better to you because your surging brain chemicals will change your perception of reality. You are going to think you are "in love", but it may only be "in lust".
Smart guys know that kissing is the fastest way to get a woman stimulated for more action. Research studies have found that most women complain of not getting enough kissing before, during, and after sex. So guys, get some practice. (Kissing works best with two people!) Learn to use kissing as one of your best persuaders to get what you want.
Remember that she is going to be going slow. (We are talking about maybe days, weeks, or months!) In any case, she will be watching your every move to see how much you value and care for her. Frequent surprise little gifts and tokens showing she is important to you are a great investment for you to use during this phase of the courtship -- and after!
Different cultures and religions have tried to control how the mating is done for the maximum benefit to the whole tribe, community, or culture. Often, the cultural "rules" violate all natural inclinations and destroy the ultimate beauty of the natural mating process.
Therefore, the actual mating experience from this point on is highly influenced by each person's background, family training, education, religion, and street lessons. In most western cultures at this early point in this beginning relationship, the two people just agree that they want to explore each other more.
The process that humans have evolved for further exploration is called "dating" or "courting." That means more outings together and further exchange of talk and general enjoyment of being close and compatible. Whether or not the two participate in sex is the woman's choice. That is her right to decide to let you in. Men must court, and women will select a mate based on their personal criteria.
Usually, the real-life decision for continuing the relationship is based on the "bottom line": costs versus rewards. Are both partners contributing equally to the relationship and life together? Are the rewards equal and fair for both? If the costs versus rewards ratio are unfair, stress and resentment can cause daily emotional discomfort and eventually disease and early death. The correlation between happy marriages and good health is high. Likewise, the correlation between unhappy marriages and poor health is also high.
A survey of 127,545 people in 1999-2002 conducted by the U.S. National Center for Health Statistics, a part of the U.S. federal Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, reports that married people are healthier than other adults. The association between marital status and health persists in all socio-economic and education levels. Married people also reported less low back pain, fewer headaches, and less psychological stress.
A happy and loving relationship is priceless for ensuring longevity and good health. It is well worth working hard to create and continue the best relationship possible.
© Copyright 2005, revised 2009, 2015 by Lawrence Rodrigues, M.S., Director: EastWest Institute for Self-Understanding.
All rights reserved worldwide.