So far, you have given her all the right nonverbal body language cues to show that you are interested in her, and you are safe to be with. You also proved you are socialized and can carry on a decent conversation, and you share some common interests with her. Hopefully, also you have displayed enough alpha maleness body language to trigger off her old brain limbic system needs for protection and survival.
You have also showed interest in what she had to say and valued her opinions. That appeals to her new brain cerebral cortex and makes you appealing as a daily friend to have around. So now she wants to expand on that, share more personal interests with you, and to let you get closer emotionally and physically.
At some point in the connection with you, she will want you to come emotionally and physically closer. So she is going to do a very important thing to improve the connection with you. Don't miss it because it is very subtle body language:
She is going to touch you.
It will appear casual, unpremeditated and "accidental" rather than "serious". It may be a touch on the arm as she laughs at something you said, or it may be a pat on the back as a symbolic gesture of "good job" as you tell a story. In any case, it is not accidental! Her strong DNA programming is saying in body language, "I feel safe with you. You may come closer." And she will be looking and waiting for a reply to her daring flirting feminine body language message, so be prepared to give the right response!
Your body language response should be to accept the touch and not move away as if you are afraid of her. Moving away or not replying with a touch (ignoring it) would indicate to her that she had gone too far into your space, and you don't want her that close. You don't want to send her that message!
Your positive body language response should be to return the touch with an EQUAL touch. Your response must be precise and appear ever so casual. To increase the emotional connection with her you must reply in a very short time (never more than a few minutes) with an equally casual touch, never stronger than hers. This nonverbal flirting body language implies an equality of interest and safety feeling. Your return touch, as gentle as hers, assures her that you are not going to attack now that she has let down her defenses.
Remember: Don't get more physical than her. When you both do this casual touching right, your bodies will be carrying on a powerful conversation that says, "I like and trust you. I am willing to come closer. I am willing to let you come closer." This touching is often done all unconsciously because it is instinctual behavior carried in our DNA.
Touching cues are highly programmed into our old mammalian brain core and limbic system coming from our animal ancestors even farther back than vertebrates. Touch encodes a primordial sense of either safe closeness or danger. The way a touch is given registers easily and instantly because the touch sensors deliver the message directly to many parts of the brain.
Tactile messages are one of the brain's most real and reliable forms of communication. Also, touch is one of the most important and enjoyable activities in flirting and dating. Partners learn a great deal from the first physical contact. It probes beneath casual words to true feelings. Touching another's body is the evolutionary true test of where a partner stands. Since there are so many nerve sensors connected directly to the brain, touching is one of the most pleasurable experiences between two people.
Her first touch followed immediately by your proper reply opens the door for both of you to come emotionally and physically closer for a lot more fun! This moment is a giant leap forward in the relationship. The natural course of action from now on is to increase the frequency and quality of the touch. Touching is an art form that adds a most wonderful extra dimension to a loving relationship.
Women naturally have a quality touch for they are programmed to nurture their offspring with tenderness and love. Men are more wired to throw spears, bust rocks and club animals or each other. A man's touch may be a bit crude and rough compared to a woman's touch. Since the body's touch sensors are wired to so many parts of the brain, especially to the old limbic system, a man's basic instincts are aroused with even a casual touch.
Her touch probably is going to cause a moment of confusion in your male brain. Your old brain limbic system is going to interpret her touch message the way you WANT to hear it: "Wow! Here is a woman to help me spread my DNA genes around! Let's get started right now!" At the same time, your newer brain cognitive areas are, hopefully, understanding and controlling the older basic instincts.
Therefore, your response to her touch will say much about how socialized you are. A man may even ignore the touch because he is confused by the conflicting messages in both his old and new brain areas and not know what to do. So keep in mind that her first touch is only a signal that she is opening up A LITTLE and wants you to be a little more open too.
This is where most men go wrong. They try to get more physical and 'grabby' right away. Don't be stupid and act like a Neanderthal man after her first touch. And the same thing goes for that first kiss if you ever get that far. Stay cool! Let her lead. Pay attention to her body language signals that tell you when you can come closer and how far. Only go a little way at a time and keep watching her body language to see if she is OK with your advances.
She knows exactly what you are after. If she is not ready, she will be displaying body language like moving back, crossing her arms and changing the subject. So as you explore her more, keep the conversation light with as much humor as you can muster up. In one research study, women said a sense of humor was the trait they appreciated and enjoyed the most in a man on a first date.
So if she has touched you, is laughing with you, facing you directly while mirroring your motions and positions, this all means you are ready to move on to Step 5. (Now this is getting good!)
© Copyright 2005, revised 2009, 2015 by Lawrence Rodrigues, M.S., Director: EastWest Institute for Self-Understanding.
All rights reserved worldwide.