Now you can talk with her and determine if there are areas of common interests you two share. Don't try to impress her with lies! Research shows that women can tell 85% of the time when men are lying. Men can tell only 25% of the time when women are lying. Those are bad odds to play by, so be honest with her.
Skip the meaningless brags about yourself. Men's brags are mostly about their high status, real or imagined. Anyway, all your words are pretty meaningless at this point. She is mostly reading your body language and nonverbal cues about how you feel about her.
And be aware that good-looking women already know how they look, and they don't need you to keep telling them that they are "beautiful". Telling a woman she is beautiful is really saying, "You stimulate me, and I want to have sex with you." Instead, be on the lookout for her personal characteristics that you like and truthfully compliment her on the things you like about her. Beauty is high on a man's list of desired feminine characteristics because, to his deep limbic system drives, beauty implies good health with no chromosome damage. A healthy woman mate is a man's highest priority for the best chance of reproducing his strongest offspring. This is all deep limbic system programming that explains why men of all ages prefer young, pretty women. (They have low chromosome damage and have good chances of making healthy babies.)
Your main goal now is to forget about how she looks naked, do data gathering, and to form a "relationship". Women are strongly driven to form a good relationship with people. That is in their DNA and is related to survival needs. That is deep stuff guys don't naturally have in themselves and understand.
The way you work at exploring her interests determines how physically and emotionally close she is going to let you get to her. As you explore her, strive to build a supportive relationship where she feels safe, respected, valued, and protected. Don't be judgmental or critical of anything. How accepting and open you are will affect how much she shares about herself.
Women Communicate Differently Than Men
Women use an average of 20,000 communication words, sounds and gestures a day. Men only use about 7,000. It may seem like she is a "chatterbox", but that is normal, especially if she is having a good time.
Guys, be aware that women talk about their problems as a way of relieving stress. She wants to be heard, not fixed by being offered advice and solutions. Men like to fix things, but don't you try to fix her if she expresses her problems. Women like to express feelings. When she says she feels depressed (or whatever), listen and let her talk about it. DON'T try to fix her! That implies that there is something wrong with her but not with you. Just listen, show sincere concern and respect for what she has gone through. (Could you have done as well?)
As she speaks, look into her eyes but don't stare without blinking. Blink normally and never let your eyes go looking around the area at other women while talking with her. As she speaks, casually look at her individual features: hair, eyebrows, eyelashes, cheeks, nose, lips, etc. That will keep you from going "glassy-eyed". Stay with her face and forget her cleavage. She will notice that you really see her and are interested in exploring her. Women want to be seen. Her hormones will start flowing faster as she feels your eyes penetrating deep into her!
Also be aware that women can read what is going on with you by your eye pupils (the center dark clear area that changes size). Women are wired unconsciously to use this cue to evaluate a man's response to them. Research proves that women's bodies respond to men's eye pupil tiny cues with blood flow decreasing or increasing in their sensitive feminine body areas. Everyone's eye pupils dilate (open larger) when they are talking to someone they really like. When looking at someone uninteresting or disliked makes the pupils get smaller.
Enlarged pupils can signal sexual interest! Watch her eye pupils. If they are large like these, you are doing great! Keep up the good work.
In general, men define themselves and their personal worth in the world mostly by their jobs or careers. On the other hand, women are more interested in establishing and understanding relationships. She wants to know three main things about you before she can form a good relationship with you:
This is all old brain DNA programming and may not have anything to do with the reality of her life right now! But don't neglect these needs of hers for a minute. If you can appeal to her unconscious instinctual needs, her hormones will drive her to you, and she may not even know why.
How to Tell if She Likes You
Here are the nonverbal body language cues indicating that she likes you:
Researchers have discovered the human brain is strongly wired to observe if other people are different or the same as we are. This is a protective survival tool. When we see similarities, we unconsciously behave more like them in order to form a closer friendship for reasons related to survival and mating. This skill to detect the slightest difference or similarity is more pronounced in women than in men.
A related trait that evolved with this detection skill is a habit of synchronizing movements, gestures, and body position with those we accept as safe and worthy of our attention. Personal space gets closer or more distant, depending on what the defensive tool detects. Two people who are disinterested in each other show it with their bodies. They usually sit or stand at angles to each other. See how the man is facing her directly, slightly leaning toward her, with his legs uncrossed. His body language shows how he wants to get more connected with her. However, she is not that interested in him, so she has turned slightly away and crossed her legs. Additionally, she is sitting back as far as her chair allows.
These two people are feeling close and comfortable together. They have unconsciously positioned how they are sitting in order to face each other more directly. Researchers say they are "mirroring each other". When this mirroring takes place unconsciously, as one person changes position the other follows to the same position. This mirroring indicates a strong emotional connection has formed.
We have been doing this flirting and dating game for millions of generations, and it is well perfected to most effectively get us a mate to make babies and perpetuate our species. If you try to change the game, you will be alone a lot! The best you can do is try to enjoy the game.
OK, you are ready to move to Step 4 for getting closer. This is getting really exciting now!
© Copyright 2005, revised 2009, 2015 by Lawrence Rodrigues, M.S., Director: EastWest Institute for Self-Understanding.
All rights reserved worldwide.