Your next move is to leave your safe space and go to her with good body language and your "opening line" so you can talk with her. Verbal communication will greatly close the physical and emotional space between you both. She wants you to approach her now, and she is waiting, so get moving!
But be aware that as you walk toward her, she will learn a lot about you from your body language. Women are wired with this ability to read approaching men's body language. By the time you reach her, she will have decided to either receive you as a possible friend or reject you as a problem guy.
So use your best body language and walk slowly and straight, with as little extraneous body movements as possible. Walk confidently and casually directly to her. Your relaxed body language should say, "I am alive, healthy and a strong man. I am confident in myself. I am interested in you. I won't hurt you." Think these words as you approach her, and they will help produce the right body language.
She knows it takes courage to approach her because at any moment she could reject and embarrass you. She will admire, appreciate, and reward your courage and confidence to be brave and take a risk! You will be demonstrating your Alpha Maleness, and she will like that!
As you walk toward her, don't look around the room! Look continuously at her eyes. (And don't check out her breasts. You may do that later.) Imagine that there are only you two in the room and imagine that you are saying and meaning this: "I like you, and I am eager to talk with you. Thank you for inviting me to meet you."
As you approach her, give her a soft, friendly smile that says, "I am happy to meet you." (That should be easy because you really are happy to meet her!) Keep in mind that she came there to meet someone and here you are! Probably she is pleased that you have selected her above all the other women there. You are her hero! Walk up to her confidently and proudly!
As you approach her, don't blast into her personal space like you are attacking. Go slowly and gently. Stand tall and move slowly and confidently. She is watching you like a hawk to see if you are going to try to go where you are not invited. That is what men are frequently trying to do with women, so women are very alert to it and defensive on the subject. Let her see that you only go as far as she invites you. Stand or sit erect with your gut sucked in, shoulders back, chest out, head held erect and not pulled into your shoulders like a turtle. You are the Alpha Male here, so look like it! She will like that, and when she feels she can trust you she will send body language cues for you to come closer.
Don't worry about creating a clever opening line. She knows that you want to talk to her so just say, "Hi! My name is (real name). May I talk with you?" (Notice it is "with you" not "to you", like she must only listen.) Most likely her answer will be, "Yes" because you made it easy for her to respond in a positive way.
Your opening line is also very direct and honest so that early-on it tells her you are mature and well socialized. You have no games going on. That greatly reduces the stress at this moment for both of you. Besides, she is too busy reading your nonverbal body language to deal with any complex opening-line statements or questions from you. Just be honest and say that you would like to get to know her and for her to get to know you.
She may extend her hand to shake your hand, and if she does, go ahead and shake her hand. Whether you extend your hand to her first for a handshake depends on where you are and the tradition for such. In the U.S., it is a common practice many places for women in social and business situations to follow men's rules in handshaking. If appropriate here, extend your hand to shake her hand to make it clear that you consider women and men to be treated and respected equally. Smile and make eye contact as you shake her hand in a vertical position with a firm grip. (Don't squash her hand and fingers, and don't overdo it with big "pumping motions"!)
About Shaking Hands With Women
Here is a secret for you guys: Smart modern women will shake hands with you so that they can read your body language. Here is what a smart woman watches for in a man's handshake:
So Guys, if you see a new woman extending her hand to shake your hand, there may be more intended than welcoming you. She may be trying to read your body language at deep levels most men aren't even aware of.
When standing or sitting in front of her, be sure to face her squarely. This posture means your face, chest and hips are facing her directly. This facilitates a feeling of trust and friendliness. And one more precaution: Never touch her unless she invites you, such as her extending her hand for a handshake. Be very respectful of her space and time. Keep in mind that she has the power here to reject you publicly and make you look like a predatory sleaze-ball, scumbag, scourge-of-the-earth. Be grateful that she doesn't do that!
Your next step is to be invited into her private space to talk with her. This step is to gather data about personal interests to determine if you both have some common ground that you can share. Stay away from discussions of weather, news, politics and impersonal stuff. What you are interested in, is if you two have a good chance for long-term compatibility -- or at least some fun together for a short time. Finding and sharing common personal interests will bring you both closer together quickest.
But this verbal communication process is more difficult than it appears. This conversation is the point at which the connection between you both can abruptly break off because one of you doesn't appeal to the other. This difference can become immediately evident by the way each person speaks to the other. Maybe this is not news to you: Women don't think like men! Therefore, to make the best impression on her, you need to talk differently to her than you do to your men friends.
How Men and Women Communicate Differently
Communication style is different between women and men for many reasons, such as educational background, age, and culture. However, there are some common patterns evident for both genders.
As you search for common interests, keep your attention focused on her, keep the conversation lively, and humorous. Humor is important and will establish your intention to have a meaningful, fun, and on-going relationship with her.
Both men and women rate humor high on their list of factors a mate must have. One survey of women found that a man's good sense of humor on the first date was one of the key factors necessary for a second date.
Although both men and women rate humor as one of the desired characteristics in a mate, men and women differ in how they use humor. Women like a mate who has a good sense of humor and who can share a joke easily, plus see the humor in sticky situations together. Humor is a tool women use to increase relationships.
Men seek a mate who laughs at his antics and appreciates him and his humor. Men tend to use humor to raise their status, often by humorously "putting down" or insulting others. Men tend to play practical jokes or humiliate others and think it is funny - and it is a way for men to feel superior.
A good sense of humor, cleverness, and high intelligence go together. Having a good sense of humor, therefore, may serve as a marker for selecting a mate who could be an intellectual notch above the other choices available.
OK, if she has been friendly and shared some common interests with you -- and not turned out to be a "bimbo air-head", or worse -- you are ready to move on to Step 3 for personal data gathering.
© Copyright 2005, revised 2009, 2015 by Lawrence Rodrigues, M.S., Director: EastWest Institute for Self-Understanding.
All rights reserved worldwide.