How to Start Your ApproachYour next move is to leave your safe space and go to her with good body language and your "opening line" so you can talk with her. Verbal communication will greatly close the physical and emotional space between you both. She wants you to approach her and she is waiting, so get moving!
But be aware that as you walk toward her, she will learn a lot about you from your body language. Women are wired with this ability to read approaching men's body language. By the time you reach her, she will have decided to either receive you as a possible friend or reject you as a problem guy.
So use your best body language and walk slowly and straight, with as little extraneous body movements as possible. Walk confidently and casually directly to her. Your body language should say, "I am a live, healthy and strong man. I am confident of myself. I am interested in you. I won't hurt you." Think these words as you approach her and they will help produce the right body language. She knows it takes courage to approach her because at any moment she could reject and embarrass you. She will admire, appreciate and reward your courage and confidence to be brave and take a risk! You will be demonstrating your Alpha Maleness and she will like that!
As you walk toward her, don't look around the room! Look continuously at her eyes. (And don't check out her breasts. You may do that later.) Imagine that there are only you two in the room and imagine that you are saying and meaning: "I like you and I am eager to talk with you. Thank you for inviting me to meet you." As you approach her, give her a soft friendly smile that says, "I am happy to meet you." (That should be easy because you really are happy to meet her!) Keep in mind that she came there to meet someone and here you are! She probably is really pleased that you have selected her above all the other women there. You are her hero! Walk up to her confidently and proudly!
How to Approach With Strong Body Language
As you approach her, don't blast into her personal space like you are attacking. Go slowly and gently. Stand tall and move slowly and confidently. She is watching you like a hawk to see if you are going to try to go where you are not invited. That is what men are frequently trying to do with women, so women are very alert to it and defensive on the subject. Let her see that you only go as far as she invites you. Stand or sit erect with your gut sucked in, shoulders back, chest out and head held erect. You are the Alpha Male here, so look like it! She will really like that. When she feels she can trust you, she will send body language cues for you to come closer.
How to Use Your "Opening Line"
Don't worry about creating a clever opening line. She knows that you want to talk to her so just say, "Hi! My name is (real name). May I talk with you?" (Notice it is "with you" not "to you", like she must only listen.) Most likely her answer will be, "Yes" because you made it easy for her to respond in a positive way. Your opening line is also very direct and honest so that early-on it tells her you are mature and well socialized. You have no games going on. That greatly reduces the stress at this moment for both of you. Besides, she is too busy reading your nonverbal body language to deal with any opening-line complex statements or questions from you. Just be honest and say that you would like to get to know her and for her to get to know you. She may extend her hand to shake your hand, and if she does, go ahead and shake her hand.
Whether you extend your hand to her for a handshake depends on where you are and the tradition for such. In the U.S. it is a common practice for women in social and business situations to follow men's rules in handshaking. If appropriate here, extend your hand to shake her hand to make it clear that you consider women and men to be treated and respected equally. Smile and make eye contact as you shake her hand in a vertical position with a firm grip. (Don't squash her hand and fingers, and don't overdo it with big "pumping motions"!)
About Shaking Hands With Women
Here is a secret for you guys: Smart modern women will shake hands with you just so they can read your body language. Here is what a smart woman watches for in a man's hand shake:
- If you hold her hand so that yours and her hands are equally vertical, this shows a sense of some equality between you both. In this case the strength of the grip is most revealing.
- If you have a firm grip, this shows you have self-confidence, are sincere, and are comfortable socially.
- Limp grip and limp arm reveals that you need a lot of support to get things done.
- If you make eye contact and smile at her, these are two friendly good signs. She will like that.
- If you make only brief eye contact then quickly look off to the left or right while handshaking her hand, this shows you are disinterested (or afraid) of really getting to know her.
- She may watch to see if you rotate her hand so your hand is over the top of hers, with your palm facing down on top of hers. If you do this she will know you are a controlling guy and she better watch out!
- While shaking hands if you put your free hand on her wrist, forearm, elbow, or up by her biceps, you are showing that you are very interested in talking with her more. This is rushing things too fast in most cultures. She will stay alert for more advances into her personal space -- or leave.
- If you shake her hand side-to-side, instead of up and down, you are trying to disarm her for manipulation later. This should make her run to the nearest exit!
So Guys, if you see a new woman extending her hand to shake your hand, there may be more intended than welcoming you. She may be trying to read your body language at deep levels most men aren't even aware of.
How to Settle Into Her Space Confidently
When standing or sitting in front of her, be sure to face her squarely. This means your face, chest and hips are facing her directly. This facilitates a feeling of trust and friendliness. And one more precaution: Never ever touch her unless she invites you, such as her extending her hand for a handshake. Be very respectful of her space and time. Keep in mind that she has the power here to reject you publicly and make you look like a predatory sleaze-ball, scumbag, scourge-of-the-earth. Be grateful if she doesn't!
You will know if you have been sucked-in by a "vampire woman" if she jerks you around with games of "I'm-hard-to-get-so-beg-for-it, Dog!" or "I-know-what-you-want-but-you-ain't-getting-any!". If you fell for her trap, escape as soon as you can. It is a sick game they play and you will save yourself a lot of agony by avoiding such [insert your own words].
Interestingly, generally these type women do not do the "look-down" tactic and therefore attract the clueless guys who don't follow these 5-steps.
How to Start a Friendly Conversation
Your next step is to talk with her to gather data and determine if you both have some common ground that you can share. Stay away from discussions of weather, news, politics and impersonal stuff. What you are really interested in, is if you two have a good chance for long term compatibility -- or at least some fun together for a short time. Finding and sharing common personal interests will bring you both closer together fast. But this verbal communication process is more difficult than it appears. This is the point at which the connection between you both can abruptly break off. This may not be news to you: Women don't think like men! Therefore, to make the best impression on her, you need to talk differently to her than you do to your men friends.
Communication style is different between women and men for many reasons, such as educational background, age, and culture. However, there are some common patterns evident for both genders.
- Women speak and listen faster than men. Women in a group can even all talk at the same time and make it work!
- Women speak in a softer voice and use pitch and inflection to emphasize points. Men speak in a louder voice and use volume to emphasize a point.
- Women sound more emotional in normal conversation because they normally use 5 tones. Men sound more monotonous when speaking because they normally use only 3 tones.
- Women stick to one topic for a long time until all present have added their comments and feelings on that subject before moving to the next subject. Men want to express their own opinion and not hear the opinion of others. Men want to have the final word, especially with women.
- In decision making, women seek the input of all the other women present and make decisions based on the consensus of all present. Men try to make the final ruling, no matter what others think.
- In decision making, women prefer a group decision. Men want to show their high status by making their own decisions without input from others.
- Women reveal their feelings, private lives and relationships easily. Men hardly ever do! That would show their weaknesses and lower their status as a dominate male (in their mind).
- Men don't spend as much time and interest on anything not physical, especially abstract concepts dealing with "feelings" and emotions.
- Women want to talk about their feelings to improve their relationship with the listener. Men talk to emphasize their high status and dominance to all present.
- Women want to discuss and explore all aspects of a topic and spend more time on it than men like.
- Women try to strengthen relationships with others by discussing their problems. Women ask more questions about what others think.
- Women make indirect accusations, i.e. "Why do you often do that?" Men make direct accusations, i.e. "You always do that!"
- Women like to relate but men rather debate.
- Women interrupt all others less and allow others to interrupt them. Men interrupt others more and allow fewer interruptions, especially from women.
- Women are more cooperative when talking. Men are more competitive with talk and try to raise their status and establish dominance.
- Women show concern and try to establish empathy and support for others. Men try to fix things and give advice to others.
- Men are opinionated and want to resolve problems quickly, often not studying the situation.
- Men try to be an authority on everything and therefore ask fewer questions.
As you search for common interests, keep your attention focused on her, keep the conversation lively and humorous. Humor is important and will establish your intention to have a meaningful, fun, on-going relationship with her.
Researchers have found that humor is very important in relationships. Both men and women rate humor high on their list of factors a mate must have. One survey of women found that a man's good sense of humor on the first date was one of the key factors necessary for a second date.
Although both men and women rate humor as one of the desired characteristics in a mate, men and women differ in how they use humor. Women like a mate who has a good sense of humor and who can share a joke easily, plus see the humor in sticky situations together. Humor is a tool women use to increase a relationship.
Men seek a mate who laughs at his antics and appreciates him and his humor. Men tend to use humor to raise their status, often by humorously "putting down" or insulting others. Men tend to play practical jokes or humiliate others and think it is funny - and it is a way for men to feel superior.
A good sense of humor, cleverness, and high intelligence go together. Having a good sense of humor therefore may serve as a marker for selecting a mate who could be an intellectual notch above the other choices available.
OK, if she has been friendly and shares some common interests with you -- and not turned out to be a "bimbo air-head", or worse -- you are ready to move on to Step 3.
(You are here.)
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