NOTE: In shooting this scene something fascinating and unplanned happened. He should have returned her touch with an equal touch also in a casual manner. Interestingly, this is where men often go wrong in real life and it went wrong here! She is looking for a return touch from him that says, "OK, I am also going to come closer physically and I will be kind, gentle and nurturing and will not go farther than you allow and indicate" - or something similar. Basically she is showing him by her touch that she wants to be physically closer in a very gentle way. She wants him to return a similar gentle touch.
However, men with their heavy load of genes for hunting and breeding often read the woman's touch as the invitation, "Come on over! I'm ready for you now!" In most cases studied, including this theater exercise, the man returns the woman's touch with his own that is much stronger and even invasive in a way that makes her a bit fearful and resistant to any further physical closeness.
Very interestingly, in this case the woman immediately felt the man's touch was much too strong compared to what she gave him. She knew intuitively what the correct male return touch should be like. So in this theater rehearsal, she let him practice returning different types of touch, but none was acceptable according to her "female intuition", the secret skill women seem to have. She knew what kind of touch she wanted returned but he could not do it right in the first few tries.
They had fun experimenting with different types of touch and she seemed to enjoy seeing him try to meet her needs and fail. Here are some of the failed attempts and her comments:
| "No, don't hang on!" |
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| "No, that is too much!" |
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| "No, still too strong!" |
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| "Now you feel like you are wiping boogers on me!" |
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| "Watch it, pervert!" |
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Discussion
In this theater rehearsal, just as happens in real life, the woman was looking for an EQUAL reply touch to hers but did not receive it. She knew intuitively the kind of touch she wanted back from the man. All women seem to know this without any training! In this exercise she did not receive the return touch she intuitively wanted. His too strong and "wrong touch" alerted her that he was "on a different page" as they say in theater. For her it stopped the progress of the body language exchange going on at a deep unconscious level between the two bodies.On the surface this was a flirting game being acted out but their bodies were really sending serious body language messages every moment. In this case the actors were acting out a scene of two people flirting. However, their bodies were unconsciously having a real body language discussion. Just as happens in real life, something went wrong for her that said, "Caution! Something is not right." When she did not receive the "correct" and desired return touch, that stopped the flow of the flirting process and chances of getting closer immediately.
At this point in a real flirting situation, the female, having not received the desired response, is going to have to figure out what is really going on with the guy. If she did not receive the desired return touch, it is usually because of one of two things that went wrong:
- The man may not have returned the touch in a few minutes. Missing her important cue could indicate he did not have a clue to reading body language, consciously or unconsciously. Or not returning her touch could mean that he was not interested in her now that he has known her for a brief time. Both cases are bad news for her.
- Alternatively, it could be that his touch was much stronger than hers. His strong touch indicates he wants to be very "physical" and take control of her. This makes her put up her defenses as it shows he is operating on his own agenda and not really aware of her needs. Bad news for her.
In either case it seems the relationship is not going to go far or smoothly without some major new way to clarify what each desires.
So what do we make of this? Hopefully this information along with the research results on the other pages in this site will give you some valuable insights for flirting and dating. It is most useful to look at how both men and women are programmed by their DNA and old brain limbic system. When you understand what the old brain limbic system is saying through the body language, then you can deal better with what is happening from moment to moment in a relationship. Body language is much more revealing in a relationship than the words said to each other.
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Scene 5 (You are here.) |
