Consider what persona you wish to convey when you go out flirting to meet a new man. Your displayed persona (how you dress and behave) will determine to a large degree which type men approach you. If you dress like either a slut or a sweet virgin, people immediately assume that is really you and treat you accordingly. Unfortunately in environments like cabarets and bars, competition to attract men is so intense that many women feel obliged to exhibit excessive sexuality. This does not allow each woman much leeway to express her real persona.
Every social space has an unwritten code of conduct and acceptable dress code. To violate these codes labels you as being an amateur and therefore at the bottom of the pecking order. Group standards and peer pressure are heartless when it comes to who is accepted and who is rejected. Don't forget that you are competing with every other woman there to capture the attention of the best man possible. The woman who never gets a man to help send her genes on to future generations knows that a part of her dies. This flirting and dating game is deadly serious. It is important to understand the rules and put all your energy into getting what you want.
The first rule for selecting your attire is to wear an appropriate outfit for the occasion. Check before you go on how the other women usually dress where you are going. Don't copy the others exactly but do wear the same type of clothing that is the established norm for that occasion. It is important to not be so different that you stand out as being ignorant about the unwritten rules. Your goal (and the goal of every other woman there) is to stand out as special (men like trophies). You also want to appear desirable (good possibility for future intimacy) and available (not already attached to a guy).
That brings us to the second rule: Choose your attire to display your true or desired persona. It is not only important to attract the men but, even more important that you attract the right type of men. Men are very visual because of their ancestors' hunting background. When they go hunting, they have a picture already in their mind of what they want and use their eyes to search for it. From their ancient past, their brain is geared to be keenly watchful for flying things if they are bird hunting. If hunting for ground animals, they are especially alert to critters scurrying around on the ground. Where you will be going, the men will be hunting for women. So dress feminine!
You need to subtly display that you are a sexually alive woman who is approachable. Colors are especially important to men. You want to appear approachable so DO NOT wear deep burgundy or plum. That makes you look too strong and scares most men. Pink is flattering to nearly all skin tones and is inviting to men. A little red in accessories is sexy. Avoid sickly looking yellow-green. A wise investment for every woman is a consultation with a color and makeup consultant. Wearing clothes and makeup that are your best colors will dramatically enhance how you feel and how people relate to you. It is money well spent at least once.
One study at the University of Rochester discovered that men spent more money on dates with women wearing red. The researchers believe this attraction to red could be in men's genes. It may be linked to ovulation signaling in primates, where the females of the species' rumps become engorged with blood when ready for breeding. Wow! Better get a red skirt!
Women who can choose their mate like to have lots of possibilities to pick from. That pool of choices is made up mostly of the men she attracts in her way. How she dresses has much to do with the type of men she will attract.
If there are guys coming around who she doesn't want to mess with, it may indicate that she should change her clothes style to attract different type men.
Fortunately for all women, men don't have high standards and expectations when it comes to picking up a woman. Men are driven more by their hormones than their brain and logic. Their body is making 200 million sperm a day and that clouds over any artistic appreciation for your best creative attire. One extra square inch of your bare skin is far more noticeable and important to most men than your $300 pair of shoes.
Perhaps nature has been forgiving and generous to men by making them voyeurs. Men get a lot of satisfaction just from looking at a female moving and doing her preening. Men get some relief by looking at either live women or even pictures of women. Many men just stand on the sidelines and watch women dance because there is no chance for rejection (a huge fear). They get some degree of pleasure from running their eyes over every appealing curve and bare skin area on a woman's body. Flipping hair, wiggling butt, bouncing boob images will stay with a man for the next few days and nights and provide some relief. This voyeur characteristic is not so much in women.
Achieving your first goal to look like an available, alive woman should be easy with proper colorful clothes, shiny jewelry, medium to heavy makeup, and specially prepared "casual" look of your hair. Be sure to show your bare neck and ears. That signals "available". Your goal is to attract the attention of men, but not invite an attack. The difference between too little and too much skin is narrow, so adjustable clothing is best. In some environments, jeans are great for either pulling up to cover skin or letting "accidentally" slide down to show your thong bikini in back. Even when pulled up they will still reveal all your great feminine curves. Guys love to look at those female curves!
(At right: Borgo Degli Ulivi Lilac Lizard-embossed Leather Ankle-Wrap Sandal Shoes. $312. Made in Italy 2005)
In the appropriate environment, high-heel shoes make a woman look very sexy. Even though high-heels restrict foot movement on the dance floor, make walking appear awkward and uncomfortable, and even cause women to trip in some cases, they are worth their usual high price. High-heeled shoes signify sexuality and desirability. The most effective fetish both constricts, up-lifts, binds and raises the woman's body parts. High-heeled shoes and bras are favorites. High-heels represent heightened sexuality. Shackles of a sort, they place the feminine wearer in a position of greater vulnerability and desirability. So if appropriate in the place where you are going to find a man, wear sexy high-heel shoes and reveal plenty of bare skin.
If you bring together your best makeup and color-coordinated clothes that shout to the world, "I am a sexually alive woman! I am here! You can approach me!" you will have the men lined up trying to get to you. Guaranteed! But also remember this: When you fish with shark bait, guess what you catch?
Keep in mind that men understand that they must court a woman and please her in order to be selected by her for a mate (or a brief roll in the bed). It has been this way for millions of generations in all species. Females have the power to reject or accept the male of her choice. Good choices produce good relationships. Understanding and reading men's body language can help women make good choices.
© Copyright 2005, revised 2009, 2015 by Lawrence Rodrigues, M.S., Director: EastWest Institute for Self-Understanding.
All rights reserved worldwide.