By now you both have gotten emotionally and physically closer. Most women's goal at this point is to seek some degree of commitment from him to get together even more closely. Normally it is the man's role to invite the woman to some future activities. The type of activities you two might engage in is endless, so the choices are what has to be sorted out in the data gathering process.
There is a time when you should kiss as a way of establishing a very close relationship and personal bond. (A kiss is just another way of touching. A really nice way!) Some people have screwed up the flirting game with guidance and rules that are all useless, impractical and mostly unworkable concerning the right time and place for the first kiss - or not to kiss.
Most likely he will kiss you when he feels safe, and he thinks that you will accept it. He knows that a kiss is "upper-level persuasion for a lower-level invasion." A kiss is his way of stimulating you for even more action. And of course it stimulates his body, too! This type of stimulation releases a flood of fantastic great-feeling hormones into all areas of both yours and his body.
His first kiss planted on your lips (if his aim is good) is truly one of the best free thrills in nature. A surge of hormones will blast out of his brain (maybe yours too) to all parts of his body, gearing him up for more action. If it is one of those deep kisses, then he is going to receive some of your hormones that will make him dizzy, and something in his belly will turn flips. His limbic system, which controls bodily functions like breathing, pulse, perspiration, etc., will kick into overdrive. You will even look, taste, smell, sound and feel better to him because some of his brain chemicals have changed his perception of reality. That is called "love" by most people - and "lust" by others.
Physiological changes take place all over the body from kissing. Sensitivity and pleasure feelings increase throughout the body. Even the feeling of pain is suppressed everywhere in the body. There is some justification for when you were young and your mom "kissed" your injury that was hurting to make the pain go away.
Kissing with a lover makes wonderful tensions increase, and there is an overpowering craving for release and satisfaction. This wonderful, (add your own descriptive words here) pleasure and relief from the mating act is the powerful drive that has kept the species from dying off. Without this extremely pleasurable experience of mating, we probably would not go through the effort and trouble of producing, protecting and providing for offspring.
Kissing has become a major part of the flirting, dating, and mating process in most cultures. Wise men know that kissing is the fastest way to get a woman stimulated for further action. Research shows most women complain of not getting enough kissing before, during, and after sex.
Humans (primarily men) in leadership positions throughout history have complicated the final mating process. Different cultures and religions have tried to control how the mating is done for the maximum benefit to the whole tribe, community, or culture. Often the man-made rules violate all natural inclinations and destroy the ultimate beauty of the natural mating process.
Therefore, the actual mating experience from this point on is highly influenced by each person's background, family training, education, religion, and street lessons. In most western cultures, at this point in this beginning relationship the two people just agree that they want to explore each other more.
The process that humans have evolved for further exploration is called "dating" or "courting." That means more outings together and further exchange of talk and general enjoyment of being close and compatible. Whether or not the two participate in sex is normally the woman's choice. The general rule is this:
"Men must court and women will select."
After two people have dated and courted for awhile, they may agree to live together, and now in most western countries this may be with or without marriage. In any case, the cost/reward ratio becomes very important for the relationship to continue to be satisfying, and even continuing. The costs versus the rewards must be fair and equal for both people to feel good and continue the relationship.
The question is this: Are the costs in time, energy, and commitment worth the rewards in the relationship? Both partners must put much of themselves and their resources into the relationship. That is the "cost" of the relationship. The "rewards" are all the things that make the relationship enjoyable and satisfying. If the ratio between the costs and rewards are not equal for both partners, one partner eventually is going to feel ripped-off and feel used. It is going to be an unequal and unfair relationship. Continuation of the relationship will not be satisfying and will not be a wise investment for the one on the short end.
If the costs versus rewards ratio is unfair, stress and resentment will cause daily emotional discomfort and eventually disease and an early death. The correlation between happy marriages and good health is high. Likewise, the correlation between unhappy marriages and poor health is also high.
A survey of 127,545 people in 1999-2002 conducted by the U.S. National Center for Health Statistics, a part of the U.S. federal Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, reports that married people are healthier than other adults. The association between marital status and health persists in all socio-economic and education levels. Married people also reported less low back pain, fewer headaches, and less psychological stress.
A happy and loving relationship is priceless for ensuring longevity and good health. It is well worth working hard to create and continue the best relationship possible.
© Copyright 2005, revised 2009, 2015 by Lawrence Rodrigues, M.S., Director: EastWest Institute for Self-Understanding.
All rights reserved worldwide.