How You Can Move Him Closer
So far you have given him all the right nonverbal body language cues to show that you are interested in him and you have accepted him into your space, for now. He also proved he could carry on a decent conversation, you share some common interests, and he is socialized and not weird. He has also showed interest in what you had to say and valued your opinions. So now you want to expand on that and share more personal interests with him. You see him as a really nice guy!How to Take a Giant Flirting Step Forward Now
At this point in the connection you want to come emotionally and physically closer to him, so here is what you are going to do. You may even do it totally unconsciously because it is wired into your DNA as a flirting cue when you want to get closer to a man. What you will do in Step 4 is very subtle, so make sure you do it right.
It will appear casual, unpremeditated and accidental rather than serious. It may be a touch on the arm as you laugh at something he said, or it may be a pat on the back as a symbolic gesture of "good job" after he tells a joke. In any case it is not accidental! Your strong DNA flirting program is saying to him, "I feel safe with you and I want you to come emotionally and physically closer." And consciously, or perhaps totally unconsciously, you will be looking and waiting for a reply to your daring nonverbal flirting body language message.
Watch how his body language replies to your touch and intended message. His response should be to accept your touch by an immediate slight move or friendly gesture toward you and a return touch. Moving away or not replying with a touch (ignoring it) would indicate that he is not ready to come closer, is afraid of you, or just plain dense and slow in this mating game.
His positive response (the one you are looking for) should be to return your touch with an equal touch. His response should be precise yet appear ever so casual. To increase the emotional connection with you he must reply in a very short time (usually in less than several minutes) with an equally casual touch, never stronger than yours. This nonverbal flirting body language implies an equality of interest and a feeling of safety. Your touch should assure him that you let down your defenses and have accepted him as being safe and interesting enough to let him get emotionally and physically closer.
You understand well that the quality of his touch is very revealing. Much more revealing than his words! When you both do this touch and return touch correctly, your bodies will be carrying on a powerful body language conversation that says, "I like and trust you and I want you to come closer." This body language is often done completely unconsciously, because it is instinctual behavior carried in our DNA. Background Discover More . . .
Touching Can Be Great Fun
Your first casual touch, followed immediately by his proper reply, opens the door for both of you to come emotionally and physically closer for a lot more fun! This moment is a giant leap forward in the relationship. The natural course of action from now on is to increase the frequency and quality of the touch as you explore each other.
Women naturally have a quality touch, for they are programmed to nurture their offspring with tenderness and love. Men are more wired to throw spears, bust rocks and club animals or each other. A man's touch may be a bit crude and rough compared to a woman's touch. Since the body's touch sensors are wired to so many parts of the brain, especially to the old brain limbic system, basic instincts are aroused with even a casual touch. Your touch (actually any woman's touch) probably is going to cause a moment of confusion in him. His old brain limbic system is going to interpret your touch message the way he WANTS to hear it: "Wow! Here is a woman to help me spread my DNA genes around right now!" At the same time his newer brain cognitive areas are hopefully understanding and controlling the older basic instincts. Therefore, his response to your touch will say much about how socialized he is. A man may even ignore the touch because he is confused by the conflicting messages in both his old and new brain areas and, therefore, he does not know what to do. You may need to speak directly to his newer brain cognitive areas and say clearly what it is you want from him!
If you have both become closer physically and emotionally by talking and discovering common interests, it is time to move to Step 5.
| Step 1 | Step 2 | Step 3 |
Step 4 (You are here.) |
Go to Step 5 |
Some women think that most men are basically just meat and bones machines with very simple ancient software! That is almost true, it appears. Recent research with fMRI scans of both men's and women's brains reveal that men operate mentally with much simpler thought processes. Women's brain scans reveal that they are much more complex and sensitive to the world and people around them. Women's bodies are also much more complex than men's bodies.
Above is a comical model showing the possible difference between a man (top box with only ON/OFF switch) and a woman (bottom box).
A common complaint of many women is that men don't take long enough in love-making for the woman to get warmed up and ready to reach that marvelous peak - to use a mountain climbing metaphor. There is a good biological reason why this is so.
Women have a lot of mothering machinery to get warmed up and running in order to do that miraculous process of making a baby. That takes much more time than most men are aware of or even care about. (Shame on you guys!)