A relationship is starting! Your feminine flirting is getting results. It took a lot of courage for him to approach you because at any moment you could have rejected and embarrassed him in front of everyone there. Appreciate his courage and confidence to take a risk and come talk to you. It is flattering that he selected you to approach over all the other women there! Good for him and good for you!
Now that he is closer, you can read his body language much better and even watch his eyes and facial expressions change. These subtle body language cues will give you a lot more information about him. How honest and open you are with each other will determine how fast you close the emotional and physical space between you both. But before you open up to him too much, you will want to evaluate him more.
While you two talk, watch his eyes to see if his eye pupils (the center dark clear area) change size. Eye pupils will dilate (open larger) when people are very interested and like you. Much-enlarged pupils unconsciously signal sexual interest! The pupils constrict (close more) when looking at someone uninteresting or someone disliked. Watch his eye pupils. If they are large like these, you are doing great! Keep up the good work.
While you and he are talking, watch his eye movement pattern. Normal eye movement pattern is a way of governing whose turn it is to talk, and it establishes who is dominant or equal status. Watch for these patterns in the guy -- and your other friends:
In spite of these normal rules of conversation, compared to women, some men tend to dominate the conversation, interrupt more, speak half as many words a day, make less eye contact, do teasing to show interest, and are more sarcastic and argumentative. This just provides a clue to how un-educated and un-socialized such guys are.
The thing for you to watch for, and not do, is to stare continuously at him while he talks. This implies you are so fascinated with him that you can't take your eyes off him. That may make you appear desperate to get a man.
In normal conversation, the listener watches the face of the speaker more than the speaker watches the listener. So it is normal for the guy to glance away from your gaze periodically but, hopefully, not always at other women and not at your breasts. However, because men have a lot of natural hunter instincts still in their DNA, their eyes are quick to glance at any woman moving in their line of sight. (And if your breast cleavage goes nearly to your navel, he is never going to look at your face!)
Let's assume that the friendly talk continues in a well-socialized way between you two. The discussion now needs to be on data gathering to determine compatibility of interests. The question needing to be answered is this: Is there enough common ground in interests for a high-quality, long-lasting relationship?
Modern men today define themselves and their personal worth in the world mostly by their job or career. That is coming from their old-brain and is their ego being expressed (i.e. hunter-superiority). So let him brag about his job and imagined importance. It may reveal how inferior and insecure he really feels. And besides, he will think he impresses you with his importance. Just listen, nod, and learn a lot about his true value to you as a possible mate. But don't believe much of what he says. He is just telling "hunting stories" and strutting like a peacock doing his mating dance. This is just common male ancient behavior coming from male DNA. The more educated and socialized a man is, the less this type behavior occurs.
Women are more interested in how a man understands and treats them. Deep in women's limbic system part of their old brain there are always some questions about their survival with every man. Even in young women not interested in making a family, all women's DNA programming carries these questions about survival:
These questions will never be asked openly, but they are there in the woman's subconscious mind every minute of the relationship because survival is at stake. Therefore, in women's DNA there is a high priority placed on the QUALITY of every relationship.
When two people are disinterested or not well attuned to each other, their bodies sit or stand at angles to each other. At the right, notice that the man is facing her directly, slightly leaning toward her and has uncrossed legs. On the other hand, she is turned slightly away, legs are crossed and she is sitting back as far as the chair allows.
When two people are feeling comfortable with each other, interested and well attuned, they will unconsciously re-organize how they are sitting to more directly face and mirror each other. Notice how these two at the right are mirroring each other. If truly attentive to each other, when one changes position the other will do likewise and unconsciously match the other's body position. This action is called "mirroring."
In this scene with the guy who approached you, check to see if the two of you are doing mirroring. Change your body position and see if he follows. Take a drink or touch your food to see if he follows your moves approximately. If he does not relatively closely match your body position and movements, then he is not comfortable with you, yet. Give him some more time to get comfortable and feel safe with you. Once you see him begin to mirror your position and movements, and then you are ready to move on to Step 4.
© Copyright 2005, revised 2009, 2015 by Lawrence Rodrigues, M.S., Director: EastWest Institute for Self-Understanding.
All rights reserved worldwide.