How to Use Your Body Language to Get Him CloserStep 2 is to close the physical and emotional distance between you both so you can evaluate him. This is done by getting him to come physically closer to talk with you. Your long eye contact, smile, and looking down was an ancient body language cue that invited him to come talk to you. If he is the strong and brave type guy most women want, he will get your body language message and decide to approach you with his opening line.
How to Make it Easy for Him to Approach You
When you see that he is going to come over to you, look him in the eyes and give him a gentle welcoming smile. That will greatly relieve his fear of possible rejection.
As he approaches, you will unconsciously read his body language as he walks toward you. A woman's DNA is finely tuned to watch every man's body language as he approaches. Women have had to do this for millions of generations and make quick decisions to stick around or escape! The first and deepest instincts are to watch for signs of danger and possible sexual attack from every man approaching.
The decision-making wisdom is in women's genes and they can detect danger far away by the man's body language. So in this case, you instinctively watch his body language as he walks toward you. You watch to see how relaxed, confident and comfortable he is in this social situation. You are unconsciously watching to see if he moves and behaves like the well socialized man is expected to be doing in your culture and society.
How to Welcome Him to Talk
When he is close enough to talk to you, face him directly, look at him with a gentle welcoming smile and wait for his "opening line". If he is doing his body language right, he will approach you and look into your eyes, and with a pleasant gentle smile, he will speak to you. Hopefully, his "opening line" should essentially only say who he is (his name) and ask if he can talk with you.
An "opening line" is the first comment a guy makes to the woman he approaches. Most guys work hard developing an opening line. There is great fear that they will be rejected and will be made to look like a real loser, or worse, in front of everyone there. His initial approach to a new woman is a terrorizing situation for a guy. At his deepest old brain limbic system level it is all about hunting, survival of his genes, and proving himself as a great hunter. He feels like everyone there is watching to see how good of a hunter he is. So he does a couple of things to minimize the damage to his ego if he is not accepted or is publicly chastised for daring to approach! Here is what many guys do with their opening line:
- They try to be unique and show that they are not like all the rest of those dirty guys.
- They try to be so clever that it impresses you intellectually and guarantees their acceptance.
- They try to be humorous so that if their approach to you fails, it will appear to be all in fun and there is no loss and no embarrassment.
- They try to impress you with a carefree and rude approach with an attitude that you are not really important to them. Again, nothing lost to them if you say, "Buzz-off, Buster!" (And that is what you should do to these clueless guys!)
- Some guys try to shock you so you can't even respond. Example: "Nice shoes! Let's f...!" You should escape fast from these vulgar clueless guys!
Some women take advantage of this stressful moment for a man when he approaches them. They act resistive and indignant, putting him at greater stress and enjoying watching him fumble. Don't you be that cruel! You have great power over him, for he is terrified that you are going to reject him in view of everyone and make him look like the worst scumbag-sleazeball on Earth. Make it easy on him and you will be half way there to making a new grateful friend. The first 4 seconds are the most important in making a good lasting impression on him. Welcome him with class and charm and he will think he has found the greatest woman in the world!
How to Start Your Evaluation of Him Up Close
- Look for confidence and cool power as an Alpha Male.
Good posture and smooth movements are a good sign. Head up, chest out and gut sucked in. It is good if he does NOT have a weird personalized strut or walk with arms flailing about as he looks around to see who is watching him. What you want to see is him calmly (not in high stress), comfortably and confidently (Alpha Male type) walking up to you with eye contact and a smile.
- Look for good health, alertness, and aliveness.
His physical appearance and voice will reveal a lot. Should you two eventually mate, fifty percent of your offspring's chromosomes are going to be his. So his health and strength are very important to your unconscious evaluation of him as a suitable mate for a long time. A deep voice is a sign of testosterone and you will notice that subconsciously right away. It will make your hormones kick in!
- Watch for signs of being a good protector and provider.
Physical strength plus good clothes and possessions may give a clue. What you are unconsciously (Maybe consciously!) looking for is someone who is capable of providing well for you and the offspring when you need support. You will be on the lookout for how generous and resourceful he is over the long run. Rich is nice, but seldom happens, so stop dreaming. You will be on the lookout for how much he values you. You will watch for how nurturing and attentive he is to your needs and desires.
- Notice if he is socialized and functions confidently out in public.
He should be comfortable and confident in this social setting. Watch to see if he is truly focused on you and not looking around at other women or only your breasts.
Notice if he keeps his social distance or if he invades your personal intimate space and makes you feel invaded. This check of his body language will be important for your analysis of what type of guy he is. Controlling, pushy and manipulative guys move uninvited into your personal space right away. Use caution with these guys and escape as soon as you can.
About Women Shaking Hands
Whether to extend your hand for a handshake depends on the culture and environment. It is sometimes the polite thing to do, and it can provide a lot of extra hidden information about the other person. Learn how to read in his handshake what he doesn't want you to know!
In the U.S. it has become the custom in social situations for women to follow men's rules in handshaking. That means to make sure your right hand is free to shake hands if he extends his hand first. If he doesn't extend his hand, you may extend yours for a handshake, if appropriate. This will make it clear that you consider women and men to be treated and respected equally. So if it is appropriate where you are, extend your hand for a handshake. This will give you a chance to evaluate what kind of a guy he is!
Here is what to watch for in his handshake:
- If he rotates your hand so his hand is over the top of yours (his palm facing down, forcing yours to face up in his) guess how he wants his body to be in relation to yours? This is a very controlling guy and he wants to "jump on your bones" right now. Watch out!
- If he holds your hand vertical with gentle up-down movement, this shows a sense of equality between you both. If both of you have your hands vertical, then the strength of the grip is most revealing here.
- Firm grip-- He has self-confidence. Takes care of self. Is sincere.
- Weak grip-- Lack of confidence and insecure. May not be your best choice for a mate.
- Limp grip and arm-- Wimp. Needs a lot of support to get things done. Looking for a "mother". Run.
- If his eyes disconnect immediately looking off to the left or right, he is disinterested (or afraid) in really getting to know you and investing much of his own honest self in you. Trouble ahead.
- Also watch to see if he makes eye contact and smiles, at least briefly. These are two friendly good signs. You do the same.
- Swinging your hand side-to-side, instead of up and down: Bad news! He is trying to disarm you for manipulation later. This guy will be a "smooth talker" who will take everything you have then move on to another victim. Excuse yourself and leave now! This guy is very dangerous to your well being.
So if it is appropriate, whenever you can shake hands go ahead and do it to gather more information about the other person.
How to Start Gathering Data
Hopefully by now you have read enough of his body language to feel safe enough to continue talking. So now you want to find out how interesting he is and if he has interests similar to yours. The talk should now center around data gathering and finding common interests. What you are really interested in, is how you each live your life in order to determine if you two have a good chance for long term compatibility -- or at least some fun together for a short time. That is your main interest at this step in finding a mate. However, maybe all he is interested in is how you look naked and how soon he can "climb on your bones". (Guys are wired differently than women, in case you haven't noticed!)
This data gathering communication process is more difficult than it appears, and it is the point where the connection between you both can abruptly break off. This may not be news to you: men don't think like women. Therefore to make the best impression on him (and maybe to even "get through to him") you need to talk differently to him than you do to your women friends.
Summary So Far in Step 2:
How to Bring Him Closer for Evaluation
You have gotten his attention, given him a signal that it is safe to approach you, and welcomed him into your space. Now you two must do some data gathering and find common ground on which to build a continuing relationship. Your evaluation of him will be based a lot on his body language. He will also be watching your body language, so use it to your advantage in the next steps.
OK, if he has not turned out to be a Neanderthal you are ready to move on to Step 3.
(You are here.)
|Go to Step 3||Step 4||Step 5|
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