The first step is to use your female body language to capture the attention of the man YOU want, and to send him the special eye signal that you are waiting for him to approach.
Even if you are not presently interested in attracting a man -- because you already have one -- better read this anyway. Learn what the other women may be doing to steal your man!
Smart women start a conversation with strangers simply by eye contact. But it is a very special type of eye contact. Men especially are alert to this type eye contact from women. Both men and women know that a lingering eye contact with a slight smile is an invitation for a closer connection.
Smart guys watch for such eye connections and understand that these are the woman's invitation for him to approach her with an "opening line".
Find somewhere to sit where you can see all the men -- and where they can see you. Spend the first few minutes getting organized, or so it seems. What you are really doing is insuring that the men notice you. You do this by MOVING with your special female body language! This will stimulate the hunter instincts in men! Every man's DNA is programmed as an ancient hunter, and he is especially alert to movements of the prey -- and that is you!.
Men are much more visual than women and get a hormonal surge just by looking at a healthy woman -- either alive or in a photo. That is why pornography prospers as men's target market. So smart women use many visual body language female cues to attract attention with their bodies.
Women send five times as many sexual body language signals as men do in the same time period. This does not mean women are more interested in the subject than men. Smart women just know what gets a man's attention fastest!
Hair flipping, swishing, combing and general preening, plus a smile, are the main flirting feminine body language cues women use to get men's attention. Other very effective feminine body language tactics are: walking with exaggerated roll of hips, relaxed swinging arms, chest out, and head held high with soft smile.
And additionally, plan ahead and let the men know you are a healthy woman and proud of it by showing a little skin on shoulders, upper arms and back -- and anywhere else socially acceptable. Men love to see a woman's skin! Clean, clear, and smooth skin is a sign of good health and that is high on men's unconscious desired traits in a mate so he can produce healthy offspring. This mating game is serious business, so don't leave anything to chance.
The guys who have placed themselves where they can see all the women are hunters in search of a mate. They are going to be watching for any appealing woman with body language indicating it is OK to approach her.
Every man holds great fear of being rejected in front of other men, so he must be careful in picking the right woman who appears available and safe to approach.
Your secret weapon and man-magnet at this point are your eyes. There is a very special way for using them, so do it correctly. This special eye connection will say to him, "I am interested in you. I want you to come into my personal space. You will be welcome and safe. I am waiting for you to approach me."
Sociologists have carefully studied this ancient mating process where eyes are used to get a mate. They discovered these two initial parts of the process:
So your task is to catch his attention as he looks around the room and look directly into his eyes. When your eyes meet, smile slightly and hold the connection a little longer than normally done. Do it noticeably longer than when looking at other men and friends. This is definitely a very special gaze and it packs a powerful body language message: "I have interest in you."
There are 2 main reasons he may not immediately respond to your first invitation:
Don't take his lack of action personally and give up. Check your body language to see if you are sending any negative cues, like hiding your breasts with crossed arms: This says, "You can't see I'm a woman. Go away." You need to have all your body language cues sending an inviting message, so be sure to face him directly and openly without your arms crossed over your breasts. This says, "See, I am a woman and not defensive!"
However, if he does hold a longer than normal eye contact with you, this shows interest in you and a desire for more contact. Good work! Now while you have his attention you should break it off to look DOWN. Look down and fuss with your drink, inspect your nails, fluff your hair, straighten your clothing, or do anything looking down.
Your looking down is an ancient mating signal indicating it is OK for him to approach you now. Looking DOWN indicates passiveness in humans and many animals. Looking down says, "I will not resist you! You may come closer." If he is wise and experienced, he should read your message as, "I want you to approach me! I am waiting for you!"
In a few moments you can casually look up to see if he is approaching or is still there watching you. If he repeatedly glances in your direction, then he has great interest in you but he needs to work up some courage to take the risk of approaching you. A smile from you at this point will greatly help him to get moving.
If you have done this ancient mating dance correctly so far, watch for him to approach you. This eye contact and looking down tactic has been well studied by sociologist researchers and is the most common and successful tactic used in most western countries today, just as it was used by thousands of your smart women ancestors.
However, here is something women probably don't understand is going on with guys at this point in the game. It takes a lot of aggressive courage for a guy to politely approach a new woman in a public place! Three emotionally powerful things are going on during this simple aggressive act guys are suppose to do bravely. Here are some of what is going on that makes most guy's knees weak when approaching a woman to say his opening line:
The old brain (i.e. the limbic system) is what controls our bodily systems such as heart rate, perspiration and breathing. Just be aware that as he approachs you his limbic system will be running wild because of his ancient ancestors' experiences!
If you make his approach look acceptable to all the others there, he will be especially grateful and immediately like you! His ancient hunter instincts will be greatly stimulated. At his ancient deep limbic system level he will feel like he just killed the biggest mastodon and saved the whole tribe from starvation!
Unconsciously, he will be eager to please you and say, "Thank you for not making me look like a failed hunter!" This is all going on at the unconscious level. At the conscious level he is probably mostly aware that everyone is watching him. He will do everything to proudly show everyone there that you accepted him eagerly. Often this is done by offering you something like a drink, food, or cigarette so that you will reach out and accept it. That is a symbolic gesture indicating that you accepted him. At this moment it is extremely important for him to show the world that he is not a failed hunter and useless pile of mastodon crap. That is how he would feel if you rejected him now in front of everyone there.
But if he has gathered up his courage enough to approach you, then you are ready to click Step 2 below for your next exciting move.
© Copyright 2005, revised 2009 by Lawrence Rodrigues, M.S., Director: EastWest Institute for Self-Understanding.
All rights reserved worldwide.