In most cultures, the man usually initiates the first kiss. So guys get prepared to give your partner her best thrill ever with your best casual kiss. "Casual" in your case means plenty of preparation, so you don't have to worry and can concentrate on making it look casual. If you prepare for it correctly, nature is on your side and will cause an explosion of head-spinning brain chemicals to surge instantly through your partner. You should get a blast for yourself, also! With the appropriate pre-planning, correct environment and body language you are bound to succeed with your "casual" kiss and make it turn out fantastic!
A kiss most likely causes the female new brain cognitive centers to think about the romantic beauty of the moment and significance of the relationship at this point. The man's new brain is most likely visualizing how good the woman would look and feel naked!
The female brain and body are turned-on by a beautiful environment and a close relationship. Romance over a period of time is a very important part of the preparation for the perfect kiss. The proper romantic lead-in to that moment of contact fills her hormone tanks to the brim. When the actual kiss does come, all her hormone tanks pour powerful brain chemicals into her blood stream. These chemicals trigger huge changes in all areas of her body preparing her for her biological destiny. It is only her new brain cerebral cortex with its power of rational thought that keeps her passion under control.
For men, a good deep kiss turns on most men's internal mental movies of her naked. From then on he is mostly watching for signs of an opening to get on with more real action. It seems men only have enough blood in their body to run one head at a time.
Most often the kiss is done without any negotiation or discussion on the subject ahead of time. If you have to discuss how to do it, then it is research and not for fun. Nearly all the communication is done with body language. Also, there may be a question as to who should initiate the kiss, and that depends on the culture, training and beliefs of the partners involved. In most situations, the man is the pursuer, and the woman is watching him carefully while deciding to allow or stop his advances into her space.
The most important preparation for initiating the kiss is to get in position. That means, be facing closer than normal while looking into your partner's eyes. This action is primarily appealing to the woman's need for ENOTIONAL intimacy. However, in the man is his need for PHYSICAL intimacy.
So guys, recognize that at this moment two very different experiences are forming. This is the precise moment when most guys mess up the connection with the woman. Most guys think the woman is getting more physical when in reality she is getting more emotionally connected with him -- she thinks. Guys, you should think "romance - romance - romance" and forget her soft body parts that you want to grab at that moment. That comes later when she is ready for that physical action -- and that may be days from now!
Until then, watch her carefully for mirroring moves that match yours. If she is moving away, FORGET IT for now. But if all seems welcome, go slowly with the emotional bonding until her physical bonding need is stronger. That is women's natural way. Now is the time to keep your male brakes on and let her lead the way. When she sees that she is not being controlled by you and can trust you, this will open up her doors faster than anything else.
The first kiss is really a test run to see if it is going to be fun and if more kissing is welcome. After the emotional connection is working well, she will be open to more physical action. With a little practice, you may enjoy spending longer periods exploring your partner's mouth and face, or even other soft body parts. Touching or caressing your partner's head, hair and back is a nice bonus for you both. Ask her what she likes, instead of testing her mysteriously and sneakily. Being sneaky about touching her just puts up a huge wall of defense that you will have a very hard time getting past later. Ask her what she likes. That will increase the emotional bonding as it shows you are interested in what she needs and wants. She wants to see that you are not just out to use her for your own pleasure.
Kissing for females stimulates the mind with an increased feeling of emotional closeness. For women, kissing good-feelings start in the upper body and work down more slowly than in men's bodies. For most women, kissing is the most stimulating physical activity short of intercourse. Not only does it feel really good but also it is relationship building for the woman; the most important factor for most women.
At this point, most men are still thinking about how great she would look naked. To most men, kissing is upper persuasion for a lower invasion. How far a couple goes with the physical contact is normally left for the woman to decide. It has been humorously said that men only have enough blood in their body to operate one head at a time! Men don't make wise long-term decisions during such times.
During passionate kissing, common sense and long term planning often are absent. Our physical bodies were designed over millions of years to be effective breeding machines. When they are revved up with passionate kissing, they are very difficult to slow down or stop short of actual sexual release. There is a fine line between a woman's consent and rape that has gotten some men into big trouble. Local rules within cultures vary and should be followed by the new brain to avoid disastrous results when the hormones are running amuck in the old brain.
Some research found that over half the men surveyed (56%) said they would have sex without preliminary kissing. However, less than 15% of the women said they would. There is some evidence that the evolutionary advantage was gained by women who used kissing to "test" the male by tasting him for signs of ill health and immune system incompatibility. Another research has verified that women depend a lot more on smell to pick a mate than men do. Kissing is a way to smell a prospective mate really up close!
Other research findings:
The bottom line on kissing is this: kissing is marvelously pleasurable and is the most fun you can have with your clothes still on. However, kissing is dangerous! It is sad, but true that in today's world some animal species and maybe even humans face the reality of possible mass die-offs and in some cases even extinction from infectious diseases. I don't like "raining on your parade" but it would be irresponsible of me to not warn you about the real dangers that go along with this wonderful kissing sport.
© Copyright 2005, revised 2009, 2015 by Lawrence Rodrigues, M.S., Director: EastWest Institute for Self-Understanding.
All rights reserved worldwide.