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Body Language Flirting Secrets

Secret #1: Body Language is Frequently About Sex

The first secret about body language is that much of our body language is about getting sex -- or defending against it. In spite of all the social pressure to hide and suppress our natural sexual urges, our sexual desires are still often revealed in our unconscious body language.

Interestingly, this drive to get sex and reproduce is handled differently in men and women. Generally, single men are looking for immediate sex. Single women are more often looking for a relationship first (for protection and survival with the help of a man) and then sex may happen afterwards.

Below is one example of a man's posture emphasizing his sexuality.

Thumbs in pockets body language. When casually standing like this, he will usually directly face the woman who appeals to him. Notice that the fingers all point to "you-know-what-is-important" to this guy: Sex! Of course, guys claim that this is just a comfortable way to stand.
Yah, sure it is -- NOT!

I am available female pose.Here at the right is one way women call attention to their sexuality with their body language. It is quite obvious that this woman is unconsciously advertising to the world that she is a healthy woman. This woman's body language could not be more clear and simple! She is unconsciously saying, "My womb is empty and available." This is very deep; old brain limbic system-driven body language programmed by the DNA from our ancient ancestors. This ancient part of the brain functions in very basic ways, driving us to find a mate. This drive is handled differently in men and women.

Male peacock going after female Nearly every sperm-producing animal and human male must expend much time and effort in convincing the female to accept him and his sperm. This has forced most males, both animals and humans, to initiate a process called "courtship". Animal and human courtship is done in many different ways. Some male birds, whales and gibbons "sing". Some birds dance or build special nests to attract a female. Human males have been very innovative in countless ways to attract a mate through courting.

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The Facts About Mate Selection

Here are some interesting facts about the mating process:

  • Both women and men have inherited very strong desires to survive and pass their genes to their offspring by having sex. Without this strong drive, we would have become extinct long ago. This has been working for millions of years!
  • Women want to have a lot of choices in men today so they can get the best one. "Best" means the man who can help her make the healthiest babies then protect and support her and the children for long survival.
  • Women flirting and dating provides an opportunity for checking a number of men as possible mates. Women have inherited proven successful body language flirting techniques in their DNA to attract many men for more and better choices. (And this game is all about sex!)
  • Men must compete with other men for a woman's acceptance. Therefore, men must "court" a woman in order to get accepted as her mate. There is a huge amount of research data on men and "sperm competition". That is another story all about men and their competitiveness and combativeness with other men, which shows up in their unconscious body language all too frequently.
  • Female beauty (with all the makeup and techniques to make it happen) is all about looking young and healthy in order to make the best babies. Unconscious female body language to attract males primarily displays this message: "I am a healthy female, and you may approach me to make babies." According to the US Commerce Department, Americans spent $33.3 billion USD on cosmetics and other beauty products in 2010, up 6% from 2009. That is one modern indicator for how powerful the drive is to mate!
  • In nearly all the species, the ultimate decision for which male is accepted to be the offspring's father is the decision of the female. Men pursue women, but women usually get to select who they mate with in most western cultures.
  • The male's body language is one of the primary factors guiding the female's choice of mate in most species. Females in species that bond, mostly look for strength, protection and caring behaviors in the male. Human females who find a man with these desired characteristics often call this "being in love".

Some researchers have claimed that human survival in the past simply worked this way:

Men traded food for sex.

Women traded sex for food and protection to survive.

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© Copyright 2005, revised 2009 by Lawrence Rodrigues, M.S., Director: EastWest Institute for Self-Understanding.
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